ALLISTOR KIRKLAND: User Guide and Manual
by The Fool Arcana
Summary: Congratulations! You have successfully (Or Accidently) Purchased an Allistor Kirkland (Scotland) Unit! This manual is sure to ensure that you the owner can stay in perfect health (Minus some sanity here and there) with the eldest of the Britannia brothers.


**Yuri: **Okay...this is my first attempt at a User Guide and Manual. *burries face into arms* It is so going to suck...but I tried my best! Won't be as good as **Darkblaziken, ElliteKessu, Shuridaru-chan, or 0ptimuspenguin(est. 1995/lollidictator)** but I tried!Ahahaha...*crawls under a rock*

* * *

_**Allistor Kirkland: User Guide and Manual**_

**Congratulations! **You have successfully (Or Accidently) Purchased an Allistor Kirkland (Scotland) Unit! This manual is sure to ensure that you the owner can stay in perfect health (Minus some sanity here and there) with the eldest of the Britannia brothers.

**Technical Specifications**

Name: Allistor Kirkland. Will Also respond to: "Scotland", "Scottie", "Scoti", "Scots", "Scotia" "Albania", "Albany", "Alba" , "Al", "Land of the Gaels", "Arse," "Big Brother", "Old Man", "Sheep Humper". We must alert you that using the last five will be at your own risk and have varying results. We recommend unless you know self-defence do not try any of those—but if you are sixteen and younger you might just get away scot (No pun intended) free from mental or physical trauma.

Place of Manufacture: Edinburgh, Scotland

Height: 6'2

Weight: Varies due to his physical activities (Bar fights, Hiking, Fighting)

Length: Like all Kirkland men. Magical.

**Your Allistor Kirkland Unit Comes with the following:**

One (1) package of Scottish Cigars

Two (2) Packs of Cigarettes

Two (2) Cases of Scottish Ale

Three (3) Forest Green Suits

One (1) Set of Black Magic Books

One (1) Archery Set

One (1) Robin Hood Cloak & Outfit

One (1) Nessie Unit

One (1) Lamb/Sheep Unit

One (1) Iron earring to ward off Faeries (Mostly prone to seeing those of the Unseely Court and Unaligned Fae/Fey)

Two (2) How to get the Kirkland brother's to stop picking on England & How to stop a Scotsman from a drunken rampage manual.

**Programming**

The Allistor Kirkland unit is equipped with the following trait(s):

Policeman: Being one for the rules and upholding the law, Allistor would make the perfect policeman. Give it about one month and he will be running the precinct. Don't worry about burglars or criminals now, with Allistor in charge crime rate will be sure to go down!

Government Official: Your unit as tedious as he believes this to be will make a great Government Official after all he has ran the High Lands council for many centuries! Watch him climb the ranks only if you dare. Just know that this will likely not be persuade to work as one if you have an ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit because your Allistor unit will shove all the work onto him.

Guardian: For those amazing teenagers who live on their own with government help or live alone with parental consent (Unless you are legal age in some country to live on your own) you can persuade your Allistor Kirkland unit to become your guardian—for a price. Having raised three brothers and a cousin or two, Allistor is the "Perfect" Guardian.

Story weaver/teller: Believe it or not. Your unit which has such a rich history and background full of myths and lore will be a popular novelist or story teller. Dragons? Wizards? Creatures of the fae? He can tell the most wonderful of stories—just make sure you ask him to edit out the blood and gore.

Archery Instructor: This unit is the best Archer around. Give him a bow, a basket of bow and arrows, a wide open field and you will see a master marksman. Of course he would be willing to teach and be a great teacher. Just be prepaid to be yelled at if you keep missing by a landslide but also brace yourself for compliments if you get it right.

Boyfriend: Yes. This is a possible outcome for this unit. If you are into older men then this is the option for you. Do note though that this is one of the hardest to program. After all your unit must have mutual feelings. (Unless you specifically ordered this unit then you can have this programmed into his coding from the start)

**Removal of your Allistor Kirkland Unit**

Allistor Kirkland is one of the very temperamental units but also one of the calmest—he gives meaning to "calm before the storm". You need to be very careful when trying to activate (Wake up) your Allistor Kirkland unit. If need be wear a lot of padding and a helmet or keep ten feet away.

If you have a FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit have him be the sacrificial goat to wake up his cousin. Amazingly the two actually get along since France is the only one who knows that Scotland is a big softie inside for Arthur Kirkland. Have him mention the cloak incident though and your Allistor Kirkland unit will try to murder the Francis Bonnefois unit.

We suggest you stand a few feet away if you try this method. If you mention Patrick (Ireland), Scottish Ale, and Cigars, your Allistor Kirkland Unit will break out in a rage to try and find his brother who is touching his things and beat him to a pulp.

Place any type of European Ale by the crate along with a shot class, knock on the crate and ask if he wants some ale. Your Allistor Kirkland unit will grunt and respond with an "Aye"

Comment on Nessie and he will come out of the box on his own nicely (As nice as he can be) or introduce yourself and wait for a response. Never poke or prod him.

Have an ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit wake him up. Note it will take a bit of persuading to get him to do this as this unit is deathly terrified of his elder brother due to years of abuse. Upon hearing the youngest brother, Allistor will wake up and asked to be let out only to pounce onto the Arthur Kirkland unit and proceed to give a headlock. TO get this to stop bring in a WALES Unit or a FRANCE unit—or even an Ancient Rome or Grandpa Rome Unit.

**Reprogramming**

This unit is amazingly always in default mode but on the slight chance he isn't you must always ask to reprogram him. Never try it even after getting him out of the box (Crate)

_Calm (Default)_

_Bored (Default)_

_Adventurous (Default)_

_Temperamental (Default)_

_Angry_

_Drunk_

_Violent_

_Protective_

_Amused_

_Loving (Locked)_

_Kind (Locked)_

_Possessive (Locked)_

This unit comes in three different default modes—well four. _Calm, Bored, Adventurous, and Temperamental. _Though we tend to place temperamental with his angry mode but if woken up wrong this one becomes a default. Your Scotland unit is the second calmest out of the brother's right after Wales so unless you make him snap you are pretty much safe. He tends to get bored very easily if he is not kept amused or busy so be warned to him grabbing his cloak, bow and arrows and leaving for an adventure.

His _Angry/Temperamental _modes happen when he has run out of cigarettes, cigars, ale or the worst thing—someone says Nessie isn't real. We suggest you remedy the situation before the authorities are to be called and a house repairman. To get him out of this mode comment on Nessie and ask how they met or bring in a Wales or France unit to reign him in.

_Drunk _mode isn't very dangerous unless you brought him to a bar. There he is more prone to go into a drunken rage and start a bar fight of course winning the fight but leaving you to pay for repairs. When this happens bring in a Sweden Unit or a Hungary Unit to calm things down. Note if you did try your Wales unit it will untimely fail since your Scotland unit will have forced booze down its throat and now he is a giggling mess in the corner.

_Violent _mode is as easily triggered as Angry, Drunk, or Temperamental modes. We suggest you run the hell away or get units that will be able to restrain your Scotland unit magically and physically. (EX: America, Russia, Sweden, Switzerland, Denmark, Romania, England, Belarus, Norway, Atlantis)

Amazingly he does have a protective side so thus _Protective _mode. Now if he ended up getting an emotional attachment to you—which by the way will take at least a year or more—he will be more inclined to watch out for you in a way one would be reminded of a serious complex. It isn't so bad for him to be in this mode—just know your potential boyfriend/girlfriend's will be given the third degree.

In _amused _mode which is always about underneath all that calm will of course be brought out if he sees someone squirming in pain or being scared or nervous. His amusement shows Cleary in his deep forest green (sometimes a bright lime green).

Since our manufactures didn't get any real chance to view the last three locked modes we can only say be prepared to have your mind blown. Because a Loving, Kind and possessive Scotland is a twilight zone Scotland.

**Relationships With other Units**

**Francis Bonnefois**: These two cousins have been relatively close since childhood. Francis being the only one who has seen Allistor place one of his beloved cloaks over a young Arthur after he was beaten up has caused many a teasing from this French unit. The two get along swimmingly and will partner up with each other to tease an Arthur Kirkland unit. They aren't as close as they were during their childhood and teenage years but get them together again and their bond will rekindle. A relationship between the two is not possible but a drunken mishap is but will result in Allistor going on a rampage while the Francis unit sobs into the arms of a Prussia or Span unit.

**Dylan Kirkland**: The second youngest brother right before Arthur. Being the calmest and most passive of the brothers (But a happy go lucky type when drunk) he has control per say over his elder brothers. Being the most responsible (More so than England), he has his eldest brother's respect. The two can be friendly and civil but are not very close but the two can be if you lock them in a closet for a few hours. They will bond over the fact they both cannot stand their other brother Patrick (Ireland).

**Patrick Kirkland**: Despite the two butting heads a lot, Patrick will always side with Allistor when ever Arthur is around. Being the happy go lucky brother of the family but just as violent as the eldest, things tend to escalate into a fight be it drunk or not. The two are closest though despite Allistor saying he cannot stand Patrick. They bond over who has the better ale/whiskey and normally Scotland is right which causes a fight. An relationship could be possible but it will mostly be one of just violent drunken animalist intercourse to get their frustrations out.

**Arthur Kirkland**: The relationship between these two aren't the best. Allistor hates this unit with every fiber of his being and yet he doesn't. It's a true love and hate relationship between the two. Arthur for his part is deadly afraid of his eldest brother but also knows how to calmly counter anything thrown at him now which results with Allistor saying "You aren't cute." They feel family loyalty to one another but that is about it—though secretly Arthur just wants his eldest brother to respect him and even love him. A relationship between these two? Well…try at your own Risk.

**Alfred F. Jones**: After the revolution, Scotland and his brother's absolutely hate this unit. Their reason? Only they can physically and mentally abuse England. These two will not get along.

**Gilbert Beilschmidt**: These two were introduced to each other by none other than Francis. Since then the two occasionally go out to drink and hit on girls (Or guys). They are on friendly terms.

**Antonio Fernandez Carriedo**: Not even Allistor can hate this sweet heart. Though it is without some reservations that Antonio does not fear the Scotsman due to the Spanish Armada's down fall by the youngest Kirkland brother's hands. Allistor will of course treat this unit nicely—unless he gets pissed off with Antonio's whines of "Romano this" or "Lovi that"

**Matthew Williams**: These two get along well since Allistor knew Matthew before Engalnd. After all Canada did start a colony in/of Nova Scotia. Matthew is always greatful when Allistor is around for he is the only one who always corrects everyone (Even beating them up) for mistaking him for his twin brother Alfred. In any case—Matthew is Allistor's "Favorite little brother" and no relationship is possible.

**The Baltic Trio**: They have a pretty good relationship due to their past and current trading deals.

**Cleaning**

Your unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself, and he will threaten to kill you or mentally abuse you if you even try to help him. Though he will bath with a chibi unit or a Sealand unit.

**Feeding**

This unity isn't very picky but must always require some Whiskey or Ale with every meal or snack. Though at times he will demand traditional Scottish foods so make some haggis and grin and bear it.

**End Notes**

With proper care and attention (and a strong will and mind) we are sure you are able to handle and enjoy your ALLISTOR KIRKLAND unit. He is bound to bring much joy to your life…if you can handle it. Do note though, each unit is an android so they will not age and each will have a terrifying amount of strength so always have a repairman (and therapist) On call!

* * *

**-Yuri's Corner-  
**

OMG I just died of embarrassment. I hope this was okay...*burrows under the blankets* I hope this ...was okay. I tried my best! Honest! *sobs* Scottie dun keel me!

ALSO OMG

Australia is in HETALIA SEASON 5! Does this mean Wales, Ireland, and Scotland will be too maybe?! *spazz*


End file.
